Hanging Up My Cape

I am a wife, a mother of three, daughter, sister, cousin, aunt, church member, sorority member, co-worker, volunteer, and the list goes on and on. I am also TIRED. I didn't just all of a sudden become tired. I've been tired for years now. And not just a physical kind of tired, but also a spiritual, emotional kind of tired.

Like many working women, I have held on to the notion that I could "have it all." I could maintain a spotless home, work Monday-Friday, stay actively engaged in my community, assist my children with their homework, support them in their extra-curricular activities, spend large amounts of my free time with my elderly widowed mother, pursue my entrepreneural dreams and not be the least bit fazed by it all.

Well, needless to say, I have finally come to the conclusion that not only is this the biggest lie ever told, but that in my personal pursuit to do it all, be it all, and have it all has left me absolutely and utterly BANKRUPT!!

My energy level is BANKRUPT. My physical strength is BANKRUPT and my emotional reserves are BANKRUPT. My mother tells me all of the time to "slow down," "rest," "you go too much." To which I always reply, "Mom I'm fine." "I'll be ok." "I'm not tired, I just didn't sleep well last night," or my favorite one, " just one more meeting this week and I'm done!" Yeah right. One more meeting always leads to another, which leads to another and before I know it, my entire month is peppered with one committment after another after a doggone 'nother!

So today, I had an epiphany, a wake up call, a come to Jesus meeting if you will. And do you know what I've discovered? I've discovered that the cape that I have been so proudly wearing for so many years has choked the sheer life out of me. Today, I fell into what can only be described as a semi-comma. I woke up briefly, only to find myself curled up, on the floor, in my children's tent, yes I said tent, covered up and enjoying a mid-morning nap that l did not awaken from until 2:00pm. The last thing I remembered before entering the heaviest REM sleep I think I've ever experienced was my baby boy, perched up on his blue Ford truck, strumming notes on his guitar.

I do not recall anything after that. None of his activities nor his whereabouts in the house. I do not recall my husband coming home, getting him dressed or leaving to run an errand or two with him. My mind and body had completely SHUT DOWN. I did awaken to a plethora of Hot Wheel cars and tracks strewn all over the den floor, a clear indicator that Braxton had enjoyed BIG FUN while Mommie was asleep. As I peeled the covers off, and crawled out of the tent, I knew. I knew that things had to change and they had to change TODAY.

I could no longer conduct "business as usual." God was clearly and loudly speaking to me and I would be a fool not to listen. I yield, I yield. I'm waving the white flag of defeat with one hand while hanging up that damn cap with the other! I'm ready. BIG READY to shed these layers, pass the torch, fade to absolute BLACK. Get back in MY LANE and leave the driving to someone else. Whose going to join me?